Pathos.

I’ve been tired this week, unusually so. Heart weighed down by the world’s chaos. I feel to the point of fatigue. It’s like the world is constricting around my throat and with every breath its grip gets tighter. I’m bound by images of brutality and videos of hate, and when compassion and love forces its way into a room it has to push so hard to get in. It’s like that polite neighbor, last of its kind, who taps at your door gently because your child fell in the street. They don’t want to startle you, but someone needs to come outside and tend to these wounds. Simple things now begin to spark deep emotion because they are so few and far between. God I’m so tired, that even saying it out loud brings me to tears.  I’m so tired of people telling me I should be conditioned to these things by now. I can’t. It hurts. Every life lost feels like it’s mine and every family issued statement is like a funeral within my soul. I withdrew, withdrew from the world, from words and now I return on my knees begging and pleading for someone to just turn it all off. I don’t have the words for this….the heart for this. Loss of this magnitude is foreign to me, so why does it feel so familiar?

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