Cold Mornings.


Lately when I’m home I’ve been waking up and going to this park to just sit where everyone goes to workout. Often times I go pretty early and usually it is at a time where no one would know I was gone. Today I went and I just sat there as I usually do and a man came up to me and said “I always see you here and every single time I see you, you seem like you’re in really deep thought.” I smiled at him and said “No I’m just taking everything in, its so beautiful out here” and he proceeded on with his jog. But in reality I’m sitting out here looking for answers. I’m thinking about things like the guy that I recently met and the fact that I really like him but the unfortunate thought that I know that there is better. I’m thinking about the fact that we haven’t had sex yet and do I really want to take that route if I’m already feeling like I’ll disappear when I’m bored. I’m thinking about life choices and career paths and the frustration in complex applications just to get the dreaded “We’ve decided to go with someone else” email. I come here to free my mind but some mornings it isn’t that easy. Drinks only temporarily solve issues on dark nights and I get that, but I still try. An overactive mind that jumps at every opportunity to climb the highest tree knowing that I’m afraid of heights. As I sat on the bench after all these thoughts had consumed my cold breaths, I finally snapped out of my trance and got up to walk to my car, but for an instant I almost gave in to insanity. 


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