1. Be Flakey
Drunkenly find yourself forty-five minutes away with no ride home. Call me and I will, by all means, drive twenty-five miles over the speed limit, just to make sure you’re not waiting. When you wake up in the morning and remember you made plans to buy me ‘thank you’ coffee, make sure to cancel five minutes beforehand. Oh, and don’t leave me with a reason; I’ll shell out excuses for you while out to brunch with my friends.
2. Be Hung Up On Your Ex-Girlfriend
You don’t have to do it out loudly. It’s so much more hurtful when you do it in your head. Like when you play the Bon Iver songs that remind you of her while we’re in bed together. I’ll pretend they’re just your favorites and there’s no connection; that I’m not some warm body acting as a temporary replacement. And when you…
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